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Origins of Modern Beard Science

#beards

Hello booktube those have been following my channel know that here you will find the best literature the highest top shelf works of art in the literary field either from my vast collection or the world of literature and not just prose so not fiction and non-fiction but poetry and the quality of poetry that i that i expose my viewers to is just unprecedented and

I have undercovered a magical book here it is called poets ranked by beard weight it is an edwardian yeah an eduardian publication as a commemorative edition this volume by upton uxbridge underwood with commentary by gilbert alter gilbert preface by jack passion world beard champions uh and there’s a biography of upton uxbridge underwood but i’ll skip that and

I’ll read a section here uh called origins of modern beard science there is a lost history of the world all but unknown to the majority of men during barber of genesis the cosmos emerged from an incohates void and the universe as we know it was formed as a four-bearded continuum residue of the general event was scattered throughout the heavens and the earth was

Born on a planetary egg sheathed in a protective mask of barboplasm the surface of the earth itself was soon fraught with its hairy covering like a shell the planet cracked open and the hairier beard emerged to clothe the earth with vegetation but a gateway to the hollow interior was left ajar and this is the portal to the secret elysium of beards hidden from the

World since the beginning of time the conventional divisions of geologic passage the cretaceous the carboniferous the tertiary the pleistocene are just that convenient conventions and koi terminology devised by so-called scientists to support their empty presuppositions unlike the voodoo of these charlatans beard science can offer conclusive and incontrovertible

Proof for each and every one of its claims and assertations the origin of the world are sin the origins of the world are synonymous with the origins of the beard the evidence is everywhere barbell uh tacticals flourish down to the present time barbara archeology even in its flawed form admits the existence of the paleobarbaris the first bearded the first beard

Men these protobaroids or prehistoric beard beings spawn several species of barbop heads and their modern descendants the yak the bison the maltese and yorkshire terriers their beard crips and beard crafts crude silos built for beard storage litter the english and welsh countryside to this day beard appliances and related artifacts beard forks beard candles beard

Muzzles and beard straps dating from the bronze age have been found in abundance throughout the hemisphere it is no coincidence that the beard is the symbol for god all deities and their major avatars and prophets are bearded except for buddha whose beard is invisible beards figure prominently if not preeminently in all regions in mythology freezes of greek temples

And hieroglyphs on the walls of egyptian pyramids depict gods and heroes uniformly bearded while fanciful scenes may reveal huntsman catching a wild beard with nets or snares or attempting to capture a monstrous flying beard and hobble it with stones beard worship or pogo pagon olive tree was rife in ancient assyria while egyptian papyrus scrolls have revealed

A codex for deciphering anti-diluvian legend of the pre-flood beard world the gateway to the womb the origin of our species is itself framed and shielded by the female netherbeard the captivity of the groin within the pubic region mimics the captivity in the earth’s pole which at the earth’s pole which leads to the concealed interior of the hollow earth where the

Lost eden of birdlandia lies hidden the father of upton underwood seeing carnivorous plants at the crystal palace exhibition of 1851 derived the concept of sapient plants and eventually elaborated his ideas in the magnum opus on the question of vegetable intelligence adapting his father’s discoveries young upton contended that the beard is a parasite and that all

Beards originally derived from a fungus which attached itself to mineral surfaces where it still exists in the form of lichens and moss it adapted to animal forms such as the barbosaurus and later to mammalian species such as the newly identified flying beard of zanzibar where a field expedition recently discovered a vast cavern filled with hanging beards which flew

Off when startled and defied their efforts to bring one back for study but before more complex life forms emerge the entire planet was developed by a pseudo-vegetational sheath of raw beardage this vast fungal mass unfolded the earth from the girdle of the equator to the very antipodes acting as an enormous tarpolan or mask the world beer camouflaged a portal to

The center of the earth sequestered at earth’s altima thule near their perpetually frozen vastness of the bleak north pole a queer radiation from this far-flung region detected by underwood while testing the prototype of his experimental barber scope altered him to the magnetic properties inherit in the primal beard source eventually underwood concluded that pan

Global beard fungus and over and ever evolving ever adapting parasite began to attach itself to the human head and face and over the course of many generations became a natural symbiance at first there were many drastic attempts at suppression see the secret extinctions at the end in the end gradual grudgingly acceptance and final full assimilation inflate favor

The beard came to be associated with gentiliality santa claus dignity and authority heads of state dash suavity daring do naval commanders and the rest they say is history you learn everything here booktube thank you

Transcribed from video
Origins of Modern Beard Science By Shawn D. Standfast